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Welcome back, how was your Tuesday? Excellent, glad to hear it. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado we bring to you:

10 Valentine’s Day Ideas That Don’t Cost A Fortune – Part Two

5) Photographs

Presumably, you have some photos of the two of you together, yes? Cracking stuff, you’re an excellent boyfriend or girlfriend and should be commended for it. Now, get the best photos on your memory card, head down to anywhere that develops photographs and print them off for a few quid. Buy a nice looking photo album and arrange them in chronological order and boom, great gift #5.

4) Self-sacrifice

Does your partner like doing something you hate? Excellent. Swallow your pride and go do it. Even if it seems expensive, like going to a football match or a West End show, it’s an investment that means you don’t have to go again for at least a year!

3) Theft

Just to clarify, I don’t mean mug someone, steal their jewellery and pass it off as a gift. If you’ve ever seen a romantic comedy, you’ll know that they provide us with many incredible moments that are just begging to be “adapted”. Don’t pass it off as your own, but find out your other half’s favourite rom-com and steal the moment from it. I particularly like John Cusack and the boom-box in Say Anything or Andrew Lincoln’s pretend carol singing in Love Actually.

2) Art (painting, poem, song)

Can you draw? Can you sing? Can you write? Nothing says “I love you” like the gift of art that you’ve made yourself. If you feel adventurous you can write them a song, paint them a picture or write them a poem that you’ve made yourself. Alternatively, borrow someone else’s music, pictures or words and copy them. Either way, the thought makes up for the lack of monetary value and then some.

1) Repetition

Remember what you did on your first date? Good. Chances are, it wasn’t that expensive but you probably had a good time because check it, you’re still together. Repeating a first date is a classic move, it shows that you’ve put thought in and that you remember your whole relationship. The more little details you can throw in, the better. If your other half has a romantic bone in their body, they will love it.

So there we go, some excellent Valentine’s day ideas to make sure that everyone’s pleased. Happy Valentine’s Day everybody.

Valentine’s Day is, and I think I speak for everyone in the world ever here, a source of abject terror and immense fear for all of us. If you’re alone, it’s the most depressing day of the year. If you’re with somebody, it’s the most stressful and potentially disastrous day of the year. You know you have to get them something good, but you don’t have any money! What to do, what to do, what to do…

10 Valentine’s Day Ideas That Don’t Cost A Fortune – Part One

10) Personal Vouchers

This is a gift that’s fraught with danger and isn’t really very good, but if you insist on doing it then there is one simple rule to follow: be cute and romantic instead of, to put it pleasantly, “risqué”. Nobody likes a risqué voucher. Something like 10 free back rubs or 5 free babysits (if you have children) is much better than two tickets to the gun show.

9) The Romantic Walk (It’s February. This is risky).

“But Murray, a romantic walk sounds so nice! Why is it so low down the list?” I hear you ask. Because we’re British, and it’s February. This has the potential to go horribly, horribly wrong. I once spent valentine’s day walking around the zoo in the freezing cold with torrential rain; I couldn’t even keep my hands warm because it was valentine’s day, and that means holding hands. But if the weather’s nice and you’ve got no better ideas then god speed, good luck and take a scarf.

8 ) The Romantic Night In

If this is your plan, then you must follow one simple rule: cook. Do not, under any circumstances, order in food because then it’s nothing more than a cheap restaurant meal. If you put the effort in to spruce your place up a bit, throw some vegetables in a pot and rent a movie or two then this is an excellent budget valentine’s.

7) Silver Love Heart

I promise, this is the only Gadgets product I’ll promote in this list, and it’s only here because it’s really cute and perfect for the first valentine’s day since you said those magic words. This is definitely not suitable for anyone who’s been together more than a few years, but if you’re just starting out then have a look and thank me on the 15^th.

6) Mix-tape

Warning: Under No Circumstances Should You Misinterpret Mix Tape To Mean “Playlist”, “CD” or “Now 68”. This is all about romance, and taking 10 minutes to burn a CD that they can just skip through means diddly squat. I mean go out there, buy them a £5 Sony Walkman from a charity shop and agonisingly record a track-by-track account of your relationship and what they mean to you. It’s all the good points of a mix CD with the added bonus of not being rubbish.

That’s the end of Part One of this countdown; join us again on Wednesday for the top 5!